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Askew Review 15

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- The Special Olympics of Punk Rock (Site) Hi, my name is Zipper Raid. Um, no. Wait a minute, I have to look at my underwear tag. My name is Zippo Raid and we hail from the land of witches (Salem, MA) and we put the special in Special Olympics of Punk Rock. Or better yet, as detailed in our first song “Losers to the End,” we are losers that go poopies in our pants and bang ugly fat chicks because that’s all we can get. This song picks up were Darkbuster’s “Hometown Zero” left off oh so many years ago, but takes things into the gutter of Loserville (Home Sweet Home). Our music can bested be described as sloppy, drunken punk rock with at times offensive (to all you pussy PC types), yet uplifting lyrical majesty with various takes on love, hope, and bar fights. You see, we humorously beat on ourselves so you can feel better about yourself, you low down loser, you. When you first hear us, you may think we’re as tight as a butthole suffering from diarrhea, but you’ll soon feel the grip of what makes us special; true punk, baby doll, and we don’t care what you think. We cover social issues with “Columbine” and wanna be issues with “Scenster.” We may be special, but we must show our love for girlies with many tunes about them, so come’ on baby, show us the goods. To show who’s truly special in this country, we pay homage to the military with “Soldier’s Song.”  Along with our many originals, we cover Kim Wild’s “Kids in America,” which features our fearless leader Joe Zippo hitting some high notes that nearly deflates his testicles. Me always likie Kim. She makes me go white pee-pee in my pants. We also cover two other songs, but GG Allin is mean and my mommy doesn’t allow me to write about him. Although I am old and have the mind set of a seven year old, which is wicked goodie for a special person like me, I am perplexed by the hot chickies who adorn our cd sleeve. You see, we sing about how we only get gross, dirty girls, but the girls pictured here are all hot and are a treat to see. Oh, we have boobies on our CD, too. I may be special, but I know that I like boobies. Support a great cause and buy our CD, for the reasons are plenty, poopie pants. – Denis “TaTa” Sheehan

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