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Askew Review 15

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DJANGO- DOUBLE DVD SET (Anchor Bay) DVD. 1966. Spaghetti western. Approx. 90 minutes. NR. A mysterious man, dragging a coffin behind him, appears out of nowhere to save a woman from getting beat by a group of bandits along the Texas and Mexican border. The man, Django (Franco Nero), saves the woman and escorts her to the nearest town. Taking the coffin wherever he goes, Django goes head to head against Major Jackson and his army of murderous dirtballs. Seems as though Jackson likes to murder innocent Mexicans and runs the town with an iron fist. However, Django has a bigger fish to fry with the Major and uses the contents of the coffin to do some cooking.
        Shot in Rome and Spain in 1965, Django is probably the granddaddy of all spaghetti westerns. Nero plays a cool, calm, and collected man hungering for revenge. This flic was made with zero money, barely a script, and hoped to capitalize on the popularity of westerns in the US. Although the story is really nothing special, Django is able to entice you to continue watching with all of it’s silly violence. This movie was considered very violent for 1966 and was even banned from England up until a few years ago. In the year 2000 though, this could easily be aired on tv. One hilarious thing had me busting a gut laughing. Whenever the bad guys would get shot, they would drop their guns, hold their arms up in the air, and die. It was like watching them performing the YMCA dance all you disco turds did in the 1970s. You will never see more death over acting in your life. There is also a pretty good saloon fistfight between Django and a bad guy. The Django theme song sounds like some over weight Elvis wanna be lounge singer after 12 or so drinks. It is great! Django is cool. DVD is widescreen 1.66:1 aspect ratio and enhanced for 16x9 TVs. Features include; Italian or English languages, trailer, game (tad lame, but fun), 6 minute Franco Nero interview, and cast/crew bios. The menu boards are pretty cool too. 15,000 limited run packaged with Django Strikes Again. (below…duh)

DJANGO STRIKES AGAIN- 1987. Approx. 96 minutes. NR. It is twenty years later, Django has sworn off violence and locked himself away in a secluded monastery. All is fine until an iron-clad steamship comes along and terrorizes the coastal residents. Most of the people are either killed or kidnapped to be sold into slavery. Not only is Django captured, but so is his is long lost daughter. After being tortured, Django escapes the prison camp and returns to his monastery. Django sheds his monk’s robes and digs up his trademark coffin using it’s contents to make things even. Django has one thing on his mind; get his daughter back.
     This is the first and only “official” sequel to Django and I wish it was never made. This flic lacked all the charm and western feel captured in Django. Franco Nero returns as Django and is a bit more animated in this role. Django even has a little Mexican sidekick, but there is zero chemistry between the two. Donald Pleasance has a small role and is actually pretty cool. The DVD aspects and features are the same as the above, but lacks the interactive game. I recommend Django, but since this is a two DVD set, you have no choice but to get Django 2. Go Django! – Denis Sheehan

EROTIC GHOST STORY- (Tai Seng) Erotic Chinese fun. 1990. 89 min. NR, nudity, sexual situations, some violence. Three beautiful sisters descend on a remote village to complete their conversion to immortal human beings. However, their meditations are interrupted when the women decide to indulge in the very human act of sex. The three women fool around with a handsome scholar and it becomes obvious that the man is draining the woman of their powers. When the women confront the man, they are unable to defeat his growing power. Fearing for their soon to be human form, the women seek the help of a Taoist Priest.
    Lets see, you get Amy Yip (Sex & Zen) naked, lots of nudity, fights, comedy, some cheap but eerie make up effects, and Amy Yip naked. What more could you ever want? The steamy sex scenes are non-graphic, but there are some close ups. This movie really gets good when the scholar mutates into a three headed, sex beast. This flic was a ball from start to finish. I recommend it.

I, ZOMBIE- (Fangoria/MTI) Horror. 89 min. NR, violence, gore. Mark, an investigative writer, visits a deserted house in the middle of the woods to gather notes for a future story. While checking things out, he stumbles upon a dead guy with some chomps taken out of his face and a woman who appears to be having violent convolutions. Mark picks up the woman and starts walking back to his car. Not long into his walk, the woman takes a big ol’ bite out of Mark’s neck. From that day forward, Mark’s mind and body starts to deteriorate and crumble. Even worse, Mark must satisfy his uncontrollable appetite for human blood and flesh even though he knows what he is doing is wrong. As the days pass, his condition worsens and his hunger for human flesh increases.
    Although I did like this movie, it moved at a very slow pace and didn’t have an ounce of tension or shock value. The entire movie was just like watching a person slowly rotting to death by a virus. The main character’s narration takes away any tension that could have existed in the story line. The narration consists of Mark documenting, in the past tense, his affliction into a journal/tape recorder and explaining things before they happen! The zombie make up fx are pretty good and Giles Aspen’s (Mark) somber acting perfectly sets the mood for this dreary movie. Watching I ZOMBIE is like watching a drug addict slowly disappear into death. This is the first is a series of independent horror movie released by Fangoria Magazine and MTI Home Video. DVD (standard 1.33:1) includes audio commentary, interactive menus, interviews, behind-the-scenes footage, theatrical trailer, and additional footage. Not your average Zombie romp, but there’s not a lot of meat to sink your teeth into either. – Denis Sheehan

NAKED KILLER (Tai Seng) DVD. 1993. Femme Fatale action. 93 minutes. NR, violence, nudity. While investigating a series of grisly murders, Officer Tinam falls in love with the sexy Kitty and becomes infatuated with her. Little does he know that Kitty is the one who is committing the murders he’s investigating. After avenging her Father’s murder, Kitty is wounded and taken in by Mistress Cyndy. Cyndy, who is the master of femme fatale assassins, takes Kitty under her wing and teaches her the finer points, including the financial gains, of being a female assassin. After completing a few murders, a Japanese group orders a hit on Cyndy and hires Princess, a former student of Cyndy’s, to carry out the hit. Along with her lesbian sidekick Baby, Princess confronts Cyndy and is introduced to Kitty. Yes, there is a heavy spark between the two women. However, after the meeting ends, all hell breaks loose as the women start the fighting, and killing. Of course, Tinam has to get his greasy head into things.
     Although I really liked this movie, it fell far short of it’s reputation. There is plenty of fighting, but the erotic scenes have been exaggerated. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty o’ sexy Asian babes to drool over, and there is even some nudity. Chingmy Yau stars as Kitty, Yiu Wai plays Sister Cindy, and Princess is played by Carrie Ng. Yes, it’s an Asian babe-o-rama. The murders are pretty grisly and will make the males flinch in pain. There is also some humor thrown in, although one particular humorous scene will have you reaching for your yak bucket. The love story between Kitty and Tinam only succeeded in slowing down the movie. However, Naked Killer is still a fun femme fatale romp. The DVD is Letterboxed; 1:28:00 and includes a ton of language options. – Denis Sheehan

THE NEW YORK RIPPER- (Anchor Bay) 1982. Horror. NR, violence, gore, nudity. Directed by Lucio Fulci. A mad man is running around New York and not only killing women, he is downright slashing them up. The cop in charge, Det. Fred Williams, has no idea what the hell is going on and is even taunted by the killer with harassing phone calls after each murder. The only clue Fred has to work with is that the killer talks like a duck. As the killing continue, one lucky girls escapes an attack and tries to figure out who the killer is on her own.
     All things put aside, this is your average slasher flic with lots of nudity and gore. The conclusion of the movie is basically forced upon you and comes out of nowhere. The killings are pretty gory and the make-up fx are worth the watch. There is an eye and razor blade scene that made my stomach turn. I can handle anything but eye damage. I was also surprised, pleasantly I might add, by the amount of nudity. Slasher fans will dig this flic, horror fans may be disappointed though. I liked it, but I did fast forward through parts. DVD is Widescreen 2.35:1 aspect ratio and extras include theatrical trailer, cast/crew bios.- Denis Sheehan

RAZOR BLADE SMILE- (A-Pix) DVD Horror/action. Approx. 100 min. Rated R, violence, sex, nudity. 150 years ago, the evil Sir Sethane Blake turned Lilith into a vampire. Today, Lilith stalks the underground as a hired hit woman who will kill anyone for money. Between hanging out at a Goth bar and having passionate sex with her business partner Platinum, Lilith one by one kills the leaders of a crime sect. Using her super natural powers and her hunger for blood, Lilith is able to successfully carry out her contracts without a hitch. Or so she thinks. After killing a man in the bathtub, Lilith accidentally loses the ring that she is required to obtain and, even worse, she leaves behind witness. Now, not only are the police hot on her trail, but someone has kidnapped Platinum because of Lilith’s failure to bring back the ring she lost. Lilith must now save Platinum and defeat this mystery person who dares cross this badass vampire.
For good reason, Razor won best picture at the B-Movie awards (covered in Askew 5).. This is one very cool vampire flic. There is great action, good vampire blood sucking killings, sex, and even a pretty good lesbian sex scene (pictured)! Yahoo. One thing did annoy me however, Lilith comes in every now and then and narrates. She mainly tells us the difference between folklore and reality when it comes to being a vampire and dismisses myths. Not only is Lilith on sexy vampire, but she would tear Ann Rice’s Lestat to pieces!  The DVD includes the 1.85:1 widescreen version, five theatrical trailers (one of them being Razor’s), and a femme fatales article. Very cool movie.- Denis Sheehan

SEX AND ZEN- (Tai Seng) Soft-core eroticism.100 min. NR. Nudity, sex. There are a ton of language options. Based on the 17th century erotic novel “Prayer Mat of the Flesh” written by Li Yu during the Ming Dynasty (1368-1644). Although married, Mei Yung Sheng (Lawrence Ng) still intends to sleep with as many women as possible. One problem, the guy as an extra small wennie. At his wits end, he undergoes an outrageous operation to replace his penis with a horse’s penis. Now fully armed and operational, our hero gets himself in trouble with a woman’s crazy (and just as hung) husband and a dominating, wacko sex hungry woman. While on his journey of debauchery, our hero’s wife (Amy Yip) gets into her own sexual mischief, all while writing letters to him in a most unusual manner. The story comes full circle and the man and his horse dong effect many.
Besides Amy Yip, this movie has it all. Sex, lesbian sex, nudity, s&m, humor, and even a fight scene. The sex scenes are so unreal and exhausting, they have to be seen to be believed. The penis exchange operation is one of the funniest scenes ever. Look, this flic is way too outrageous for words. You have to see it for yourself. Sex and Zen is great, oddball film.- Denis Sheehan

TROMEO & JULIET- (Troma) 1996. Comedy/horror/love story. Approx.110 min. NR, gore, nudity, sex. For years, the Capulet and Que families have been bitter enemies and have no problem with beating the snot out of each other. Juliet Capulet(babe) is marrying London against her wishes because of her over-bearing, abusive father. Tromeo Que has just caught the love of his life cheating on him. Both are lost and unhappy until they meet and fall hopelessly in love with one another. Going against the hatred their families have for each other, Tromeo and Juliet continue their steamy and passionate relationship. Of course, the families go to war in hopes of stopping this forbidden love affair and crack heads, poke eyes out, and even relieve their bladders on their hated foes. The wedding day arrives forcing Tromeo and Juliet to face off against Juliet’s butthead father.
          Being a huge Troma fan, I loved this movie. It has plenty of Troma gore, violence, nudity, and sex! To make thing better, Debbie Rochon (I was standing right next to Debbie at the b-movie awards and didn’t have the balls to talk to her) and Jane Jenson (Juliet) not only star, they are babes AND they even do a little lesbo action! Nothing graphic pervs (damn). London, Juliet’s husband to be, kind of steals the show with his self induced punishment and goofiness. The production values are probably the best Troma has ever delivered. There is, at times, a Shakespeare theme played with some of the dialog. The DVD includes commentary by director and Troma founder Lloyd Kaufman, deleted scenes, still gallery, and more. Kaufman’s commentary is funny, informative, and reveals a ton tricks he used to shoot this indie flic. Definitely check this one out.- Denis Sheehan


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