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Askew Review 15

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THE EROTIC RITES OF COUNTESS DRACULA (Seduction Cinema) DVD. Seduction Cinema. Erotic horror. Approx two hours. NR, nudity, sexual situations. The year is nineteen hundred and sixty six and pop rock star to be Scarlet Brooks is bitten by the old bastard Dracula (William Smith) and turned into a vampire. At first, Scarlet is not too pleased with being a vampire, but she eventually gets use to it with the help of her faithful servant Renfield. Cut to 35 years later, and Countess Scarlet no longer wants to be a vampire. She demands that Renfield kill her by driving a steak through her heart, but he fails out of love. Instead, Renfield finds an old hocus-pocus spell that will rid Scarlet of her vampire life and allow her to live as a regular human being. As usual, the spell involves Scarlet getting three hot virgins to willingly give up their life blood in a single night. Upon hearing this, Scarlet cries out, “Where will I find three virgins in Southern California in one year?!” No need to worry Scarlet, Renfield is on the job and the lesbian action begins.
Although on the cover, cult movie icon William Smith is only in this movie for about five minutes, and he has gotten old. Too bad, back in his hey day, William was a fine male specimen. There are a few softcore lesbian sex scenes to keep you lesbo nuts swinging, but the movie is bogged down with too much “wondering” around by Renfield. The woman are ok and all but one have huge boobs, which turned me off because I like small tits on chicks. Do guys really dig those giant floppy things? Mine are on the smaller side of the breast kingdom, but have never had a man, or a woman, not get all stupid over them. Filmmakers, use more small breasted ladies ok? There is also some sappy humor thrown in here and there, mostly via Renfield. DVD extras; out-takes and bloopers, director commentary, and a few trailers from other Seduction Cinema releases. – Fiona Skarsgard



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