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BEAUTY QUEEN BUTCHER
  (Camp Motion Pictures) 1991. 130 minutes. Horror/Slasher. Not rated. Phyllis Loden has unknowingly entered the Silvis County Slough Queen Beauty Pageant. Normally this wouldn’t be an issue but poor Phyllis is severely disliked because she is overweight and an outcast. Admonished and embarrassed throughout the contest, Phyllis comes up short and is made a complete fool of by the four other contestants. She tries to put the incident behind her, but, since things are never left alone, the quartet murders her cat unleashing Phyllis’ evil, murderous ways. One by one the ladies drop, each in a different manner, until, finally, Phyllis is who she never had any intention of becoming in the first place: a Queen.
  Claiming to be a “Retro Eighties Horror Collection” flick, it just doesn’t come remotely close to giving the viewer that feeling of ominous dread so skillfully played out by such copied classics as Carrie and Prom Night; each mocked relentlessly. I have no problem with low budget horror movies; in fact, I really enjoy them when they are done well enough not to cause me to check my watch every five minutes. It says 130 minutes but I’ll spill the beans, it not only feels longer, but, according to my DVD player, it was…quite a bit so. Sure, the four ‘hot’ chicks are so typical of those I attended high school with that it almost felt familiar, but even they couldn’t rescue this mess. However, of the four, a young and surprisingly funny Tammy Pescatelli from a recent Last Comic Standing and frequent Bob And Tom guest stands out as relatively watchable. The slayings are boring and basically pointless, and the whole ‘fish out of water’ plot structure has been so thoroughly beaten to death it just feels sad that it flounders around stupidly. Check it out for the attempt, but an ‘E’ isn’t always good enough for effort.- Stew Miller

 

 

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